I have been in a quite contemplative mood lately.

This is what I have been thinking about (pondering for Richie):

Is belief a choice or ability?

In Exodus 9:15-16 God tells Pharaoh that He could have destroyed Him before, but that He raised him up to show His power in Him. He showed His power by annihilating Pharaoh and his forces in the Red Sea. If God raised Him up for the purpose of being destroyed does that mean that Pharaoh was ever destined for the gift of salvation? Later in Exodus 33:19 God says that He will have compassion on those that He chooses to have compassion and mercy for those He chooses to have mercy. Does that mean that He does not choose it for everyone?

When disaster strikes and some people praise God because they narrowly escaped, and they say God you are good to rescue us, does that mean that He is not good to those who were not saved?

Why would Jesus also die for those that He knew would always reject Him, if He knows everything? Or, did He just die for God's elect?

Yesterday I had to pee so bad while I was preaching and the near by squatty was locked, so I just had to go on with my sermon about God being the perfect husband in every sense. It is a hard message to swallow here because Africa's pride is its strength. Men do not want to be provided for, loved, and died for by another man.

When telling people to say no to prostitution or being the fourth wife of a man means telling them yes to starvation have you really helped them? I know that their souls are better off, but it still hurts.

At girl's talk they ask us what happens if a teacher, brother, father, friend rapes me and I get pregnant? The truth: you have a child and no punishment will most likely come to the abuser.   Do I say trust God? Is that an adequate answer for a child that is about to have a child at no fault of their own?   When you look into the eyes of a 14 year old who has lost her future and cannot afford to feed her child, what do those words mean?

Will I develop a severe complex because everyone, even the animals, judge us by our complexion? Babies cry at the sight of my face, men cat call us or ask the boys to give them one of their ladies. We are shunned for being thought of as the careless wealthy and begged for our supposed fortunes all with in an hour.

Last question. If Jesus says that only God is good, and I am not God, is it not arrogant for me to believe that I can define what goodness is when I do not possess it?

Anyways, this week on outreach we had a heck of a time at an orphanage on a mountain. Playing, making food, cleaning, just a blast. Later, we were rock stars at an all girl's school. We sang and danced and they had a pit of 300 students grooving with us. It was wild. We did some house visits and this week we are back at SEEK, our home.